No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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