I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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