Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
