I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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