her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
