Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The ass gains better be worth it
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