I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
