He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
