U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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