My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
