he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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