My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Terrible idea I love it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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