im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
