there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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