Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
