If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize