The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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