Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
