i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
