I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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