I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
