dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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