please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
