Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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