I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
