i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
