ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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