Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
