Barsexuality is the new black.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
