I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
