why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
