My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
