I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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