Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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