at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Houston, we have a blender
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
