Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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