I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
