Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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