I looked at my own cervix.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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