Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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