I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
