Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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