There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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