Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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