Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
