that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
