it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
