he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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