your room smells of hookers.
And success
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
