Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize