carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
