By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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