He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
