My room smells like vodka and shame
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
