i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
