please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
