I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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