that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
