i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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