you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
