'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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