The brown eye won't let me do that either.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
