Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
