I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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