I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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