he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we're so committed to being not committed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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