the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
