I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
