I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She needs sedatives and a leash
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
