The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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