textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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