I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
