Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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